It’s been a year since I finally decided to end that toxic relationship with my previous relationship partner who has Narcissistic Personality Disorder (specifically Covert Narcissist).
And so I thought, why not create a series of articles that should allow me to share my experiences as well as the learning I have obtained starting from the first few months up to almost a year of going No Contact with my abuser.
So here it is!
This segment of my blog is dedicated for everything about what I’ve gone through while I was still in a relationship with a toxic and manipulative person.
I’m hoping to connect with my fellow survivors here and maybe even help those who are still in doubt and struggling.
I’m Christine, I’m a Narcissistic Abuse survivor and a blogger by passion and I write mostly about my experiences in getting-over a long-term relationship with a person who has Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
Main Contents of this First Post
For this first post, what I would like to do is make this as sort of like a reference material for the next upcoming series of posts that I’m going to be putting up here.
What I mean by that is for this article, what I’m going to do is basically define what Narcissistic Personality Disorder is based on the actual definition and based on what I personally experienced.
Aside from this, I would also like to define some terminologies that you would for sure encounter a lot as I share my experiences, because, believe me when I say that this personality disorder is so common nowadays that’s why some of us may have heard some of these words but we just didn’t know what they mean exactly.
What Is Narcissistic Personality Disorder?
According to Wikipedia
So first, let me give you the basic definition of the Narcissistic Personality Disorder as defined by Wikipedia, and it says…
Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a personality disorder characterized by a long-term pattern of exaggerated feelings of self-importance, an excessive need for admiration, and lack of empathy towards other people.
People with NPD often spend much time thinking about achieving power and success.
Typically, they also take advantage of the people around them.
Such narcissistic behavior typically begins by early adulthood, and occurs across a broad range of situations.
According to Other Websites
Now, let’s take the definition from another website, this time, from www.psychologytoday.com and it says…
The hallmarks of Narcissistic Personality Disorder are grandiosity, a lack of empathy for other people, and a need for admiration.
People with this condition are frequently described as arrogant, self-centered, manipulative, and demanding.
They may also have grandiose fantasies and may be convinced that they deserve special treatment.
Individuals with NPD exhibit 5 or more of the following symptoms:
- a grandiose sense of self-importance
- pre-occupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty or ideal love
- belief that he/she is special and can only be understood by or associated with special people or institutions
- a need for excessive admiration
- a sense of entitlement
- exploitation of others
- a lack of empathy
- envy of others or the belief that he/she is the object of envy
- arrogant behavior or attitude
What Most Of Us Think When We Hear the Term “Narcissistic”
For someone who has never experienced being in a relationship with someone who has this personality disorder, Narcissism could simply be perceived as a behavior of somebody who shows excessive love for self.
In Filipino term, we could call them as the “GGSS” type of people or those who are “Gandang Ganda/Gwapong Gwapo Sa Sarili”.
Well, although these people could be called as Narcissists but, as a matter of fact, this kind of behavior could be common among all of us, so this is not the kind of Narcissism that we’re trying to define here.
Narcissism has something deeper and darker than that and that’s the kind I wanted to share with everyone.
Believe it or not, all of us have certain percentage of Narcissism in our DNA.
But that’s okay because it doesn’t make us sick or abnormal.
However, once things have become more excessive, that’s when it becomes a concern.
RECOMMENDED READING: Are We All Narcissists? 14 Criteria to Explore
What Can You Get Out of This Series of Articles About Narcissism?
There are a lot of helpful information out there regarding Narcissistic Personality Disorder and this first article may not be enough for now for me to be able to explain the full context to all of you.
The rest I’m going tackle in my next succeeding posts for me to further give you a picture of what Narcissism is, especially on the context of having a relationship with one.
But what I can tell you now is that what you’re about to get out of this series of posts is gain an understanding of what Narcissism really is by seeing the darker side of it that not many of us may have been made aware of, especially in the Philippines where this topic is not that big yet.
But if there’s one thing that’s pretty common among those definitions that I provided above, it would be the line “lack of empathy”, so remember that line because it is very important.
In fact, that’s one of the best possible ways to simply describe a Narcissist.
These individuals don’t have empathy that’s why they’re not able to self-reflect and they just focus on doing things to their advantage, even if it means ruining other people’s lives.
That’s what makes these people very dangerous.
To Whom These Articles Are Most Useful?
Just to clarify, what I’m going to share with you through these articles are not only useful for those who have dealt (and are still dealing) with people who have this disorder.
Feel free to read and learn even if you have never encountered one in your life.
This is just so you can prepare yourself in case in the future you would cross paths with someone who has NPD.
Or maybe, these articles could help you identify this kind of people in your life, so you would know how to handle them without getting affected.
And, of course, those who have experienced getting cheated on and trying to heal, please feel free to read and follow, because healing from toxic relationship with someone who has NPD also means healing from cheating and betrayal.
This is because most, if not all, Narcissists are also cheaters.
Cheating is the most common part of how they operate as Narcissists.
I’ll go to that in details on my succeeding posts because that would require lengthy discussions and even “story-time” for you to grasp better.
Please also remember this: All Narcissists are capable of cheating, however, not all cheaters are to be considered as Narcissists.
Like I said, they all operate the same way and I’ll explain that in details by giving you examples and scenarios for you to better understand the difference.
Other Important Terms You Need to Know
Now that we know the definition of Narcissistic Personality Disorder, let me now give you some of the important terminologies that you would often read whenever you deal with any topic about NPD.
Here are 5 of the most common terminologies and their meaning:
Love Bombing or Idealization
This occurs during the initial stages of meeting a Narcissist.
This is when he/she considers you as the “Love of his/her life” and sees you as someone who is perfect.
Narcissists love to use the term “Soulmate” when captivating their victims.
This refers to anybody whom a Narcissist can manipulate — could be a relationship partner, child, friend, colleague, or anyone from whom they can regulate their self-esteem.
People with NPD depend emotionally on other people in order to prove their self-worth.
I used to be a Narcissistic Supply to my ex-partner until I decided to cut the relationship and maintain “No Contact”.
No Contact means cutting ties with a person who has NPD and putting up strong boundaries in order to maintain not having any communication or sort of connection with them.
For anyone who has experienced trying to move on from a toxic relationship by maintaining No Contact, it is the most difficult thing to do, especially during the first few months.
At the same time, No Contact is the most effective way of breaking the cycle of abuse.
Successful implementation of No Contact allows the victim to completely escape the torture.
But the best proof that a victim was able to successfully move on from the control and manipulation of the Narcissist is when he/she was able to resist this next terminology.
Hoovering is a term taken from a vacuum cleaner company called “Hoover” because the act of Hoovering is similar to what a vacuum cleaner does…sucking you back!
This simply means a Narcissist pulling you back within his/her control.
Hoovering is what makes moving on very difficult, especially when you’re trying to maintain No Contact, because the Narcissist would do anything to keep your hopes up.
So if you’re not strong enough, you won’t be able to resist this tactic, making you vulnerable to the Narcissist’s control once more.
This is one of the reasons why a lot of victims are finding it really difficult to move away from the abuser even though they know that these people won’t do them any good.
I’m 100% sure that all of the Narcissists who hoover are also guilty of this last term I’m going to explain.
This term just basically means “Fake Apology”.
People with NPD do not have the capability to feel genuinely sorry or apologetic to anyone.
This is because they lack empathy.
So they only say sorry in order to deflect, induce guilt, or antagonize the other person they’re saying sorry to.
A good example of a Fauxpology is this line:
“I’m sorry I cheated on you because you were always busy doing work.”
In that example, the Narcissist was apologizing but at the same time making you feel that you made him/her do it.
Because in their mind, it’s always your fault.
Other Important Tems You Can Look Up Online
Those are just some of the terms I can give you for now.
However, if you have the time, I encourage you to read more in order to familiarize yourself with the other terms that are widely available online.
Below are some of my suggestions:
- Cognitive Dissonance
- Flying Monkeys
- Gray Rock
- Narcissistic Injury
- Smear Campaign
- Trauma Bond
If things are still unclear, don’t worry, because on my succeeding articles I will have more focused discussions around most of the things I have introduced in this article.
I will do a deep-dive and even share real-life stories to make it more relatable.
So please stay tuned for my next posts.