Ever since I started writing about cheating and infidelity, I would sometimes get asked by random people and readers the question,
“Why do you always write about those topics?”
Some would also even comment,
“You must have had some painful experiences about being in a relationship that’s why a lot of bitterness always reflect on your articles and quotes.”
Well, yes, I’ve had a lot of painful experiences while being in a relationship because I got cheated on multiple times.
But, no, those things that I share should not be viewed as bitterness because my experiences are not stopping me from falling in-love again and taking chances given the opportunity.
That’s why, perhaps, it would help some people to understand why I often choose to focus on these topics for my contents if I could share the actual reasons why I do what I do.
I’ve decided to create this article to somehow enlighten those with questioning minds and stop some of them from thinking that I’m advocating hatred and singlehood.
Quick Summary Of My Previous Relationships
I only had 3 serious relationships in my life, one of which ended in marriage.
They’re all long-term relationships, ranging from over 5 years to almost 10 years, including over 5 years of marriage with one of them.
Each of these relationships gave me totally different experiences overall because the personality of each of my ex would differ from the other.
However, all 3 relationships had something in common: I got cheated on and betrayed multiple times!
In my experience, it didn’t really matter whether my partner was good or hideous looking but they all managed to bring 3rd party (even 4th, 5th, 6th, and so on) and exercise triangulation while we’re still officially, actively, and publicly together.
My Dream Relationship When I Was Younger
Allow me to step back a bit and tell you how my long story began.
When I was just a teenager, all I ever wanted was to be with one man whom I would spend the rest of my life with.
I never thought about considering counting men in my life that’s why I’d always wished that if I’d have a boyfriend for the very first time, he would be the man I’d end up marrying once we’ve reached the right age.
Maybe that was the reason why I held on to my first ever relationship so tightly because I really wanted it to work, even if it meant enduring a lot of painful blows of insecurities brought about by having a boyfriend who cheated on me multiple times within our 7-year relationship.
I was only 16 when I experienced my first ever heartbreak because I learned that my boyfriend was attracted to someone else that’s why he asked for some space in the relationship in order to think things through.
At such a young age, I already felt I had no value as a person because the love of my life would rather lose me over someone.
And that happened more than once because I would always accept and forgive him each time he would ask for another chance.
When I Had Enough Of My First Relationship
By the time when my first boyfriend had managed to cheat on me the 3rd time around, I suddenly had an awakening.
That was when I stopped believing that our relationship would end up in marriage like I used to dream about.
I had enough of his cheating and excuses saying that he’s got weakness over women so I finally stood up against him and refused to serve as his safety-net all the time.
For the first time, I learned how to appreciate building a dream on my own, without him in the picture.
And because of that, I managed to start falling out of love little by little as I started to see a better world without someone who would always make me feel like I don’t matter regardless of what I do.
While taking that journey, my eyes got opened to explore new opportunities which led me into doing things which I won’t normally do and meeting new people (not romantically, though) even if I knew that my boyfriend would get mad.
My boyfriend was admittedly weak when it came to women that’s why he would always get attracted to someone else even when we’re still in a committed relationship, but at the same time, he was the very jealous type.
There was a point in our relationship when I could not tell him stories about how my day went at work because I was afraid we would start arguing the moment he heard that it involved some other people, guys in particular, even if there’s nothing to be mad about.
But the fact that I mentioned another guy in the story, that was enough to drive him mad out of jealousy.
And worst, he also started acting the same way even if my story would only involve my female friends, whom he’s also friends with during that time.
I fell out of love because of his unjust treatment and unacceptable idea of being in a relationship.
After 7+ years of being together, we finally broke up (for real) because I fell in-love with another guy so he had no choice but to accept that he needed to give me up.
Yes, there was an overlap but that was a long and completely different story to tell.
The One I Married
The first time I met the man I would end up marrying, I never thought that he was the one I would end up with.
There was no spark or anything.
I didn’t even see anything special about him.
But I learned to appreciate his personality when we became friends.
He was very simple and down to Earth; there’s not even a pinch of pride in his personality.
I admired his simplicity because I’m always attracted to simple men who don’t seem to be quite assuming.
In the initial, he was like that so I thought I found a best friend in him; something which I never felt towards my first boyfriend (my first boyfriend used to always say that he didn’t want us to become friends while in the relationship — and I never really understood what his point was).
Fast forward to after 4 years of exclusively dating, we married and I thought that was the start of fulfilling my dreams of having a simple yet happy and comfortable family.
However, that dream turned out to be a nightmare when, after 5 years of being married with someone whom I considered as my best friend, I discovered all his betrayals and dirty secrets which he’d long been keeping from me ever since the beginning.
My world started crushing down on me as soon as I’ve unraveled one disgusting truth after another.
I only knew the fact that the man I married was horrible-looking, but I never expected that his real character would even be more horrifying.
That’s the reason why I consider him as one of the most disgusting people I knew ever existed.
It was too much for me to handle.
At first, I thought it would be impossible for me to recover from that epic failure.
I even almost believed that it was the end of me.
But I was surprised with what happened next.
I never imagined that in the middle of the most tragic moment of my life would emerge a stronger and better version of myself.
The fighter side of me amazingly took-over, the side which I never knew existed.
To make the story short, my marriage ended up in an annulment (which I filed) and I was able to save myself from further destruction.
Ending my marriage with my ex-husband was the best decision I ever made because I couldn’t imagine myself being married to him after everything that he’s done to me.
That was so much disrespect I couldn’t even begin enumerating what he did.
The story of my ex-marriage was also a pretty interesting and intriguing story to write that’s why I was able to create a series out of this which I would also publish here on my blog if I have the time.
It’s a series which I’ve written years ago even before I put up this blog site.
My Most Recent Break-Up
After ending my relationship with my ex-husband and healing from that very traumatic experience, I once again opened my heart to yet another chance in love.
No matter how traumatic my previous experiences had been, I never lost my desire of fulfilling my dreams of having a family of my own.
I never stopped believing in love that’s why I did not think twice upon agreeing to accept the love that was being offered by my most recent ex-partner.
I agreed to live together with a man whom I thought I would finally spend the rest of my life with.
At first, I really thought that he was really an answered prayer because he made me feel as if I found my soulmate in him.
That was despite the fact that I knew that he used to be married also, almost similar to what I’ve gone through.
He made me believe that we were both victims of cheating and infidelity of our ex-spouses and that we found each other to become the strength of one another.
But things started becoming complicated when we lived together under one roof.
I started sensing that something’s wrong with the man I was living with, but I just couldn’t seem to quite figure out what it was exactly.
There were a lot of ugly fights that we spent in those more than 5 years of being in a relationship and 3 years of living together.
I used to believe that those were just normal for couples like us who are already living together that’s why I didn’t realize that I was already ignoring a lot of red flags in his personality.
These were red flags which were smoking enough to send me giveaways that the man I was with had a personality disorder called Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).
The signs were obvious but I didn’t see them coming because I was still unaware about such condition.
I Discovered Narcissistic Personality Disorder
My relationship with my most recent ex-partner was blessed with a wonderful and lovely daughter.
Giving birth to my daughter was perhaps the most crucial turning point in our relationship because ever since I became a mother, the red flags just started getting all over the place.
I believe that was the point when the mask had completely fallen off of my ex-partner’s face.
Until one red flag and gut-feel after another led me into finally discovering the biggest lies which had long been existing in our relationship ever since the beginning.
I discovered that I fell in-love with a man who established a fake image of himself so he could make me fall in-love with him.
Everything about his love was fake, including all the care and affection that he was showing towards me.
He was just using me as a front in order to cover the stench and filth of his real identity, especially behind closed doors.
What I discovered about him almost turned my stomach upside down because I couldn’t believe that I fell in-love with someone whom I would not even pay attention to even for just a second.
I fell into the trap of loving someone who was a complete opposite of the man I was looking for.
He was nothing whom I thought he was.
He’s a Con Man with an empty soul.
Luckily, I learned a lot from my previous marriage that’s why I didn’t allow myself to come out of that relationship empty-handed on hard evidences.
I learned the lessons the hard way that’s why I used my brain this time to outsmart my cheating partner by gathering all the evidences I would need to get to the bottom of everything.
And out of the 3 ugly relationships that I’ve been in, I consider the last one as the most rich when it comes to valuable lessons because I learned so much here and I became the strongest that I’ve ever been.
Connection To What I Do Now
I hate to admit it but it’s pretty obvious, anyway, that my horrifying experiences have led me into picking a niche which not every writer would dream to focus on.
But it is what it is and I won’t deny the fact that I’ve developed a passion for sharing my thoughts around this very sensitive topic as a form of therapy and a way to heal.
I know that stories like these oftentimes leave a bad taste to some readers, making them think that I’m advocating broken marriages and ruined relationships.
Well, that’s completely untrue.
To be honest, I’m still wishing to deliver contents that would allow me to touch upon the happiest moments in my married life, the most ideal family set-up, the most beautiful and inspirational family stories, and maybe even vlog about the daily routines of the happiest wife in the world.
But, let’s face it, I don’t have those stories in my personal portfolio of experiences and I could only dream for those.
I still wish, though, that there would come a time when I would experience the bliss of what it’s like to be loved in the most honest and sincere way, the way that I have always dreamed of.
Despite of everything, I still believe that true love exists.
And if that time comes, I’d be more than happy to shift gears from this side over to that side in no time.
But, perhaps, there are people in this world, like myself, who are not blessed enough with a talent to choose the right man to love.
And, maybe, I was just gifted with the talent to always find creative ways to discover betrayals and find out the truth no matter how painful.
Not everyone would have the same courage to do so, while some women would choose to remain blind in exchange of not getting hurt by confronting the cruel truth.
And I just can’t imagine being in the same situation that’s why I’m still really grateful.
This Could Be My Calling
Getting betrayed and/or cheated on is not a reason to stop believing in kindness and start heading towards the path of bitterness.
There are many other reasons in this life to be happy about and thankful for.
The boldness of my writing approach should tell you that I’m just choosing to tell stories of horrible truths instead of sharing articles with picture-perfect lies.
In today’s world, where everyone is used to curated reality and bits and pieces of seemingly ideal life, there’s still a small percentage in the population of writers who are brave enough to share the ugly truth.
And everything I’ve gone through allowed me to find comfort even in the most uncomfortable situations.