Depp vs. Heard
So it’s been all over the news and a lot of people have been talking about this controversial courtroom battle which focuses on the Defamation Lawsuit that was filed by Johnny in 2019 against Amber.
I am one of those who have been following this case because I can somehow relate to “the turn of events” so far, and I think that anyone who has ever been in a toxic relationship would.
It’s an interesting case that gives you a sense of how it is like to be in an abusive relationship where there are factors like Codependency, personality disorders, Gaslighting, and manipulation to name just a few elements.
But for me, the most striking thing about this case was the reality that things are not always how they seem like.
More often than not, the reality is always the exact opposite of what we view it as.
The Case Goes Against Stereotypes
Perhaps the most pivotal point about this case which makes it really special is the fact that it once again crashed the stereotypical mindset that only women experience domestic abuses; because men can also be victims of the same.
There’s even a term “Mutual Domestic Violence” which is used to implicate two people as being the instigators and perpetrators in a domestic violence situation.
However, not all men could come out and admit because it could be more damaging than helping, especially if you have a certain image that you want to protect.
Besides, it is sometimes difficult to believe that a man could be a victim of such abuse because, again, it’s not typical.
The Face of Abuse Is Not Always How We Expect
This case made me remember a time in my life when I was in an almost similar situation when I faced a lot of revelations about my married life.
I wasn’t aware that my intimidating look and quiet/serious nature would be used as weapons against me by my ex-husband.
Like Amber, my ex-husband came up with exaggerated stories in order to convince other people that he was the ideal husband who was trapped in a marriage with an antagonistic wife.
He vilified my image around the people within our circle.
He even used those twisted narratives in order to attract women by playing like a victim who needed someone to rescue him (I wasn’t aware about the Smear Campaign during that time).
Because of his actions, he was able to lure other women and made them believe that he’s a good catch.
And because of my intimidating look, it wasn’t hard for him to make people choose his side.
I won’t blame them because I’m not new to that kind of situation.
All my life, it’s been easy for everyone else to see me as the villain because of my outside appearance.
I just got used to it and I somehow learned to embrace it in the long run.
So I’m no longer surprised whenever someone I haven’t even met would say something bad against me just because someone else already badmouthed me.
My biggest flex may be the fact that between me and the person who talks bad behind me, I may look like a REAL b*tch but I never badmouth my friends like how a FAKE b*tch would do it.
The Truth Always Manages to Come Out
Bad for my ex-husband, though, because also like Amber, he didn’t think that his lies and dirty deeds would ever see the light of day.
Perhaps he was convinced that I would never have the courage to speak up and take a stand for my own self because he had always underestimated me.
He always considered me as someone who was stupid enough to find out about his cheating; and ashamed enough to bring forth a scandal that would break our marriage apart.
Never in his wildest dreams he imagined that I could expose him the way I did back in 2016.
“Never mess around with people who seem to be weak and too naive to turn the tables around. Because the beast in them gets awaken and turns them into someone who would put all your bullsh*t back at you.” — exactly what Johnny is doing now with Amber.
This is exactly what’s already happening with all the unraveling in the court which revealed the real side of Amber who initially used the victim card to turn people against Johnny in 2018 when she penned that “Op-Ed”.
I’m Not Taking Sides
But before you say that I’m taking sides here, let me clarify that I am not discounting the fact that both sides have mistakes.
Amber was toxic to Johnny and so was the latter to the former.
Their dynamics as a couple could even be described as “volatile” because they are both harmful to each other.
I’m not saying that Johnny is an angel or a hero in this case.
It takes two to Tango and I always keep this in mind to avoid any biases.
I’m pretty sure that he had his own share of flaws that contributed to the toxicity of their relationship.
And I also won’t say that I did no wrong in my previous marriage.
I had so many shortcomings and I contributed to why it became very dysfunctional.
I never said it was one-sided.
I’m not an angel either.
One Side Must Be Closer to the Truth
But between 2 parties, there must be at least someone who tells the version of the story which is much closer to the truth.
It may not be the whole truth because there are always 3 sides to every story: your side, the other side, and the real side which only God would have the power to know.
But between the 2 human beings, one would always choose to tell lies in order to cover up mistakes, while the other one would rather choose to tell the painful and shameful truth no matter what the consequences.
Like what Johnny did, I also braved to share my story even though I wasn’t certain if anyone (apart from my mom, brother, and bestfriend) would believe me.
And like what happened to Johnny, I also experienced some doubts from other people as soon as I started opening up.
One of the things I remember was this conversation with a former friend who blatantly told me that all along she’s speculating that I was the one who had another man in the relationship.
And there’s this other conversation with one of my ex’s friends who said that all along he was made to believe that I was the one who had Reproductive issues that’s why I couldn’t get pregnant.
Again, this was because of how my ex-husband twisted the narratives behind my back.
Well, I had enough hearing all those lies and disparaging stories from people whom I thought were my friends that’s why I gathered all the strength in the Universe to fix my backbone and have some balls to set the records straight and counter the audacity of my ex-husband.
It was about time for him to see the side of me I have never seen either.
And the rest was history.
So I believe that Amber is now seeing the side of Johnny she never thought she would ever see because she thought that Johnny would remain to be that introverted man who hated the spotlight.
Beyond This Defamation Trial
For me, this Depp vs. Heard trial is more than just a fight between 2 ex-lovers who are now trying to destroy each other in front of the whole World.
Rather, I see it as a story of someone who had long been underestimated but now found the courage to speak up and put the other person in the right place.
I mean, Johnny may have had his own demons during that time but everyone deserves to be heard (no pun intended), especially when crucial details are being manipulated by someone who just wanted to take advantage of everybody.
My Key Take-Aways So Far
- Someone is capable of playing the victim card and twisting the narratives for personal gains
- Some of the most vile individuals are the same ones whom we would always come across as innocent and harmless
- Do not fall for charm and too-good-to-be-true type of personality; charm is the quintessential Narcissist’s way of luring you into the cobwebb of abuse
- People with Personality Disorders think of themselves so highly that they think they are quite smart enough to get away with what they’ve done but always get exposed in the end because they’re stupid in reality
- People with Personality Disorders are incapable of showing any sign of remorse because in their head they remain as the victims although the reality and evidences say otherwise
- The point above is the reason why it would be a waste of a lifetime to wait for these kinds of people to come to their senses and realize their mistakes because it will NEVER happen
- Even gentle and peaceful people could turn violent when provoked
- Keeping real evidences is very crucial
- Trust is a precious commodity, we should give it to someone wisely
- Time is the absolute story-teller
Looking Forward to How This Case Would Progress
I am keen to see what would happen this week as Amber is about to testify and take the witness stand to tell her side of the story.
More than my interest in knowing how further details would unravel in the next coming weeks, I am very well invested in this case because it opens a lot of eyes.
I’m pretty sure that a lot of people are also watching and picking up knowledge and awareness about damaging behaviours and scenarios that only those who experienced in real life would understand.
The type of relationship which Johnny and Amber had was something that people like myself could only explain in writing; and it’s not been easy because it takes a lot of explaining which some people would find really complicated and hard to believe.
But with how this case is going, it makes it easier to explain because now we see that some people are really capable of doing what we thought of as ridiculous.