RECOMMENDED READING: Why I Decided to Speak-Up Post the Break-Up
You would never know how harmful it is to get victimized by Smear Campaign unless you have become a subject of one.
However, not everyone of us gets to know that someone is smearing our name because it is often done in a very subtle way, therefore, Covert Naricissists are the usual doers of such cruelty.
In my experience when dealing with my Narcissistic ex (let’s just call him “Narcky” for the sake of this discussion), it took me a very long time to realize that he successfully smeared his wife to me that’s why he gained so much of my sympathy during the courtship stage.
That was when we were still getting to know each other so we shared a lot of stories about our past; previous relationships included.
Well, I knew that it won’t be necessary to talk about the past when you’re opening yourself to getting into another relationship, however, given my background and what I’ve gone through with my ex-marriage, I felt the need to know more details as I shared my own.
I Thought We Were Just Sharing What We Learned from the Past
I always felt that it was nothing but a sincere exchange of lessons learned because, I mean, the least you would want once you’ve broken away from a sh*tty relationship is to get into another sh*tty relationship, right?
Therefore, I wanted to be honest with the other person as much as possible and, in return, I wanted the other person to do the same.
So when Narcky told me the story about why his marriage with his wife, Tina, did not work out, I believed him because I thought we were just on the same boat.
But with the level of knowledge I have now when it comes to Narcissism, I wish I’d known back then that it was just his way of capturing his victims.
He used the Smear Campaign against his wife to convince me that he was a poor soul who never had so much luck in love.
He’s just a victim of the circumstances and that he’s always asking God to send him the right woman; because he always ends up with the wrong ones <insert crocodile tears here>.
And, of course, to make his story more believable, he shared some “heartbreaking” stories from his past.
I remember those stories very well so, now, let me take this opportunity to share them and allow his wife to know how her husband used to smear her name to me and (quite possibly) to other people.
Narcky’s Version of Why His Marriage Did Not Work
Let me share the story which Narcky shared with me and that which made me believe that he was a victim of infidelity.
Here’s his version of the story.
He met Tina because she’s the private nurse who took care of Narcky’s sick uncle.
They became close because Narcky was also a nurse back then (he’s a Nursing graduate but he did not pass the board exam).
He got Tina pregnant by accident so he agreed to marry her because he did not want to humiliate Tina and her clan.
Tina has a huge clan in Occidental, Mindoro that’s why he did not want to cause any scandal.
However, after 7 months of being married, he discovered that Tina was still communicating with her ex-boyfriend.
One time, he caught Tina sending a text message to her ex-boyfriend which reads,
“I was just forcing myself to stay with Narcky because we’re married and I’m already pregnant.”
Narcky couldn’t accept the fact that his wife betrayed him.
He couldn’t accept the fact that he married a woman who would just cheat on him after all the sacrifices that he made.
That’s the reason why he would always say that marrying Tina was the biggest mistake he ever did because she just wasted his life.
After that incident, Narcky became indifferent to his wife and that’s when his mother started asking him why.
He never said a word about what happened and he just chose to always stay away from his family because he didn’t want to talk about it.
Until one day when he could no longer stand the judgement of his mother who would always suspect him of doing something bad that’s why his marriage was always getting into troubles.
That’s when he told his mother about what really happened.
Narcky said that from then on, his mother stopped scolding him because, according to him, his mother finally understood where he’s coming from.
So his mother also stopped forcing him to stay together with Tina to save their marriage.
However, Tina was still wanting them to be together.
Tina would even go to Narcky’s parents’ house (where they used to live together) just to convince and beg him to continue with their marriage for the sake of their child.
But Narcky was no longer interested and he could no longer feel any love for Tina because of the betrayal.
But Tina still insisted and she only stopped insisting when Narcky said these words to her face,
“Even in my death, I would never be with you.”
Some of the Questions I Asked Him About Tina
One time I asked Narcky if he ever loved Tina.
“Of course! That’s why I married her. I agreed to marry her because I didn’t want to humiliate her.”
He even added that he sacrificed his freedom just to save Tina from shame.
So out of curiosity, I asked,
“If you loved her, then why did it seem so easy for you to let her go?”
“Because I don’t like that kind of a woman. The type I hate the most is someone who loves to flirt with a lot of men.”
So I asked a follow-up question,
“If that was so, then why did you get into a relationship with her?”
He just said,
“I didn’t have any clue that she was like that. We were only dating for 2 months when I got her pregnant. Had I known…”
During our relationship, I felt how he despised Tina because of the way he would comment about her.
One time he jokingly said,
“She now looks like a drag queen!”,
when I asked him if he saw Tina when he went home to Mindoro to attend the funeral of his grandfather.
I asked because I thought they were going to talk about the plans of getting an annulment.
He would also occasionally let out some bouts like,
“She acts as if she’s rich. She loves making it seem like she has a lot of money.”
Red Flag! He Would Always Change the Subject
During the entire duration of our relationship, this was the version I knew and I didn’t bother to ask a lot and repeatedly because he would always show a change in his mood.
When we’re already together, I noticed that he’s no longer welcoming my questions like he used to.
He would also change the topic immediately whenever our conversation would start heading to the topic about his wife.
I know it must’ve been annoying since we’re talking about our exes but for some reason I just couldn’t stop having questions in my mind because I always felt that there’s something missing in his stories.
I did not know that it was my gut-feel telling me that something was not quite right about Narcky but I just couldn’t figure out what exactly.
Then fast forward to the final months of our relationship, when he was trying to convince me that he’s changed after I caught him cheating on me, out of the blue he shared,
“Did you know that before Tina went abroad to work in Dubai she talked to me and tried to convince me to just stay with her there? She wanted us to be together again and start a new life in Dubai with her and our daughter.
But, of course, she was not able to convince me because, like I said before, I would become a better father if we’re not living together.
That was the last time we spoke and, after that, she no longer tried to re-attempt.”
Honestly, I don’t know which part of this story was true.
I guess, only Narcky and Tina would know.
The Other Side of the Story
Before I completely closed my doors on Narcky in order to open a new chapter, I had the opportunity to hear the other side of the story which came from some people close to him.
To avoid getting other people into trouble, I’m not going to mention who said what.
But according to the other version of the story, there’s really an angle about love triangulation because Tina, indeed, met-up with her ex-boyfriend.
Narcky followed her that’s why he found out about Tina having another man.
After that incident, Narcky became indifferent to Tina and their daughter.
From then on, he refused to support his family and would always stay out of the house doing things only God knew what.
And then one time, he came home while bringing another woman to their house while Tina was just upstairs.
Narcky and the other woman stayed inside the room downstairs.
It was too much disrespect that’s why Tina could not contain herself so she contact one of Narcky’s relatives to come over and said (while crying) that her husband brought home another woman in their own home.
The relative witnessed this because the other woman was still there when the relative arrived.
I don’t know what happened afterwards but it seemed like Narcky couldn’t provide any explanation as to why he did that.
His reason remains a mystery up to now.
I Validated That This Version of the Story Wasn’t Just An Urban Legend
I felt shocked the first time I heard about that side of the story because I wan’t expecting that Narcky had done something more horrifying in the past, apart from the cruelty I experienced while I was still with him.
Until one day I confirmed that it wasn’t just an Urban Legend because one of the guards in our place told me the same exact story.
Apparently, that story was a known story around our place.
That guard was one of his long time friends whom I also discovered knew so much more about his dirty deeds (story to be shared on a separate post).
That’s when I knew that he always had this reputation around our place but, as usual, I was the last one to know.
Another Lie Which I Just Discovered
Narcky said that when we met, it’s been 5 years since he stopped communicating with his wife and they both already have different lives then.
Tina had multiple boyfriends already after they separated and he didn’t care at all, and same goes for Tina who wouldn’t care about him dating someone new.
He also added that they both wanted to get an annulment but none of them wanted to pay for it that’s why nobody’s doing something about it.
But, apparently, a relative revealed that Narcky was still in contact and flirting with Tina before they learned that he was also dating me.
According to the story, Tina was surprised when Narcky started introducing me to his family as his girlfriend because Narcky was still flirting around with her just days ago.
I’m not sure if that was just Narcky’s way of plotting a triangulation to hurt Tina’s feelings without me knowing it.
After all, Narcissists love to triangulate because they love the drama and this is their way of making themselves feel like they matter to someone.
Tina Also Confirmed Some of the Lies
In one very unexpected moment, Tina sent me a private message through my personal Facebook account.
I didn’t know how she found out about my Facebook but, I guess, she already learned about what happened between me and her husband that’s why she tried to show compassion by giving some message of support.
And upon reading her message, it sounded to me as if it was Narcky who’s been asking her for another chance, not the other way around.
That was contrary to Narcky’s version of the story.
Here’s the actual message I got from Tina so just see for yourself.
Well, like I said earlier, only Narcky and Tina would know what really happened, and I’m no longer interested to know.
The important thing is that I’ve already distanced myself from his circle of abuse and I’m no longer impacted by any of his actions.
I Hope What I Just Shared Would Give Closure to Narcky’s Wife
Perhaps Tina is reading this now and I hope that this post is giving her the closure she’s been looking for for years.
It could be true that Tina was Narcky’s very first victim and enduring his cruelty for years wasn’t a joke.
I can only imagine what Tina needed to go through after they separated.
In fact, she might have continued feeling bad for herself when Narcky and I were still okay.
She must have suffered from continuously doubting her self-worth by repeatedly asking why Narcky managed to stay longer with me and not with her.
Actually, Narcissists do this on purpose because they want their old victims to continue suffering even once they have completely separated.
But what I want Tina to understand was the fact that between the two of us, I was the more stupid one because I endured her husband’s abuses that’s why we lasted for years.
We did not last long because I was someone better.
The relationship lasted for more than 5 years because I chose to ignore a lot of the red flags even though my gut-feel had always been bothering me.
And the reason why I developed such a high tolerance in the abuse was because Narcky was able to convince me that he’s always been the victim of the situation simply because his Smear Campaign worked on me.
Funny thing is, whenever I look back and think about the first time I met Narcky, I couldn’t help but think that I should have run away the very same moment I met him.
But sh*t happens.
And that’s how some of us learn.
So now, there’s really nothing that Narcky could do to change my mind and perception of him.
His Other Break-Up Stories
I wish I could still go on and on in telling the rest of his version of the stories to give closure to the other women whom he victimized.
Such as the story how he impregnated Mirafe (the mother of his second child) and how he refused to recognize his son as his own.
And another story about how his rebound chick, Raven, who, according to him, turned into an obsessed and crazy ex-girlfriend.
Raven was the mother of his third child whom he completely denied.
However, this article would be too long already.
But who knows?
Their stories could still pop-up on my succeeding posts.