Over the last months, a lot of us were intrigued by some sudden break-ups and hook-ups in the local showbiz industry.
At a first glance, it seemed to many as just another simple and usual case of cheating incident in the showbiz world.
It was somewhat to be considered as another chapter to that book of a quintessential playboy.
It was just a typical story of a guy leaving his girlfriend for another woman.
But for some of us, there’s more than meets the eye.
Especially for us who have experienced the same things before.
Those who were once victimized by such cruelty but managed to escape, survive, and move on eventually.
And here’s my personal take on what was really happening behind all these hullabaloos.
Here’s the Tea
So just recently, G admitted to the National TV that he and J are in a relationship.
They probably had finally found the balls to set the records straight after months and months of denying it while also sharing mysterious and cryptic photos of them being spotted in one place.
The whole thing amassed different reactions on Social Media.
Fans of the two felt very happy for the couple, of course, especially the ones who have undying support for J.
Finally! Their innocent-looking idol has finally been promoted from being an alleged side-chick, who caused the break-up of G and B, into the official girlfriend status.
But for some of us who have a different take on what’s going on, we didn’t think that it was really something to be celebrated about.
To us, it’s indeed a promotion — the promotion of a Secondary Narcissistic Supply into a Primary Narcissistic Supply.
And we know that this is not a good thing.
Allow me to give you the Red Pill.
What is a Narcissistic Supply?
Before I get any further, let me just quickly explain what I mean by a Narcissistic Supply and define the difference between those two types which I just mentioned above.
Wikipedia defines Narcissistic Supply as a pathological or excessive need for attention or admiration from codependents, or such a need in the orally fixated, that does not take into account the feelings, opinions or preferences of other people.
Since narcissists are dependent upon the outside world to help them regulate their self esteem, they need these supplies to reflect back to them the image they have of themselves.
In short, Narcissistic Supply is like a form of currency or “perishable goods” to a narcissist that fulfill a certain need.
And these supplies come in many different forms and types.
Let’s define what a Primary Narcissistic Supply is.
According to Wikipedia, the Primary Narcissistic Supply is based on attention in both its public forms such as recognition, fame, infamy, stardom, and its private, more interpersonal, types of praise, admiration, applause, fear, and repulsion.
It represents attention of any kind — positive or negative.
Any individual or object that causes the source to provide narcissistic supply by confronting the source with information about the false self of the narcissist is a Primary Narcissistic Supply.
This is the person who provides the narcissist with the most attention, recognition, praises, admiration, and anything that validates the narcissist’s false self-image.
And in the context of romantic relationships, these are usually the husband/wife, boyfriend/girlfriend, and official live-in partner of these narcissists whom they present out in public as their official significant others.
While, on the other hand, a Secondary Narcissistic Supply is a type of supply that is also the “reserve source” for a short Primary Narcissistic Supply.
This could be anyone that’s not the narcissist’s partner or some other “significant other”.
This can be any person the narcissist interacts with during his/her day-to-day who can also be superficial for the narcissist.
Narcissist could also form a relationship with this person by doing Love Bombing.
This person suits well with the narcissists by constantly brushing their ego by telling them how great they are, by which the narcissist reacts positively.
These descriptions fit the roles of the Other Woman/Man, the Side-Chick, the Third Party, or anyone who’s in a romantic relationship with someone who’s already committed to someone else.
J’s Promotion to the Primary Narcissistic Supply Role
So going back to the context of G, B, and J love triangle, here’s how we really look at it even from afar.
J is now the Primary Narcissistic Supply, the role which the ex-girlfriend, B, used to play.
But before you even think that this is a good thing, I would have to burst your bubble because this is something which nobody would wish to become one.
You know why?
Because the Primary Narcissistic Supplies are the most abused, manipulated, damaged, and destroyed, especially during the Discard stage in the hands of a narcissist.
Right now, the new couple (G and J) may seem to be having a blissful relationship.
But that’s because they’re still in that stage when they are surrounded by flowers, chocolates, and Teddy Bears.
Everything seems perfect and rosy and all — well, for J at least!
This is called the Love Bombing stage — until G starts to feel bored again.
It will just be a matter of time — just wait for it.
J, as the new Primary Narcissistic Supply is like a shiny new toy to a “man-toddler” like G.
We know how excited toddlers feel upon seeing new toys that they could play with them the entire day and even weeks until yet another new toy arrives.
The Painful Truth which B Needed to Endure
B was once that shiny new toy to G, until B lost the glitters (because, remember, any Narcissistic Supply is a perishable good to a narcissist no matter how good, wonderful, and amazing you are) so G felt bored playing with her and treating her as his favorite.
So in the meantime, she was put on the shelf and forgotten.
That happened because G saw a shiny new toy who was willing to be toyed around — J, who was then a Secondary Narcissistic Supply.
Since she’s new and shiny, G would once again feel amused and excited, making J his new “Apple of the Eye” (or Flavor of the Moment).
B, as the Primary Narcissistic Supply, would suffer the fate of just watching while G plays around with J (and other toys on the side) while feeling sorry for herself, asking what was wrong with her.
She would constantly feel like garbage no matter how beautiful she really still is.
TAKE NOTE: B was still the girlfriend at this point because G hasn’t completely discarded her (by breaking up with her).
She was only being devalued by G by keeping her on the shelf.
G has not discarded B not because he still cared for her, though.
In reality, she’s still not being discarded so that G could still toy her around whenever he would lack other sources of entertainment.
In the eyes of G, she was just a readily available substitute, that is.
Because narcissists don’t see people as human beings.
They see people as objects that only have the purpose of serving their needs.
However, the sad thing here is that, despite of being in that situation, B would still remain in the relationship.
She would continue to have high hopes that the guy would get his act together, realize her worth, and pay attention to her again.
She would continue to defend her position as the official girlfriend no matter how unfair the situation starts to get.
B will just continue to receive all the punishments that she never deserved in the first place.
She will ruminate and become hypervigilant trying to understand what’s going on in the relationship.
But G will never be there to support her.
He will always be emotionally unavailable for B, which will only drive her all the more crazy — for all we know, this is why B said in an interview that G “Gaslighted” her apart from just “Ghosting” her.
Then, B would start seeing the red flags and sensing signs that something’s horribly wrong.
Until she figured the horrifying truth that she never imagined G would be capable of doing when she also caught G playing around with his shiny new toy in action!
At that point, B would only have 2 options:
- to forever play the role of a substitute trying to fill a bottomless pit
- to have the courage to remove herself from the shelf and find her worth elsewhere
Why Do You Think It Took Time for B to Realize It?
Primary Narcissistic Supplies are typically the official girlfriend, partner, or legal spouse of the narcissists.
They are the most abused because they are the ones who are emotionally invested in the relationship, therefore, they endure so much in the hopes that their partners would realize their worth in the end, like a normal person would.
But the sad news is, this NEVER happens when the partner involved is a narcissist — because he/she is not normal.
So you should never expect for something cliche to happen because it simply doesn’t apply to people who lack Empathy.
Cliches only apply to normal human beings so save that bullshit for your chitchats with your fellow Stepford Wives.
Besides, cliches are oftentimes the reasons why there are abuse victims in the first place.
Narcissists don’t change.
They never will.
They only get better at fooling people by wearing their masks.
Repeat until you find the courage to walk away and break-free from the never-ending cycle.
B must have given G the benefit of the doubt a million times while still in the relationship.
This is simply because narcissists are the masters of deception — they are really good at keeping you hanging.
And this is why I’m very happy for B because she’s finally out of that toxic relationship that was only bound to destroy her.
So my fearless forecast is, J should celebrate now as long as the Love Bombing stage lasts.
Because it will never be long until she finds herself enduring some of the most horrifying encounters she will never forget.
Remember, she has filled in the shoe that was vacated by B, so believing that her fate would be much different is plain stupidity.
As for G, well, he’s the happiest right now because not only he had gained a new supply but he also caused a Triangulation and conflict between B and J which made him feel very relevant.
Oh yes, narcissists love this!
They love the drama.
They love having this feeling that they matter to people because, deep down inside, their deep insecurities always remind them how worthless they really are.
Let’s not pretend to not know that this was not the first time that G did this.
Who would forget the conflict between K and M because of him?
These two were former bestfriends in Showbiz who found themselves fighting because of G.
This Triangulation is not a stranger to G anymore.
He likes it, as a matter of fact.
So don’t be deceived by G’s sparkling eyes when he said in an interview that he’s very happy right now because of J.
Because the truth is, he’s happy because he knew B’s heart was still breaking.
Because he could still feel that she’s still affected by him no matter how much she would claim that she’s doing okay post the break-up.
But with all of these things happening, I would like B to know that a lot of victims are rooting for her.
We’re hoping that she would show the people how to truly move on from this traumatizing scenario.
For us, she has already won the moment she started speaking up to call out G’s cruel behavior.
With how she’s handling things now, we’re very positive that she would continue to reap the benefits of staying away from toxic people.
She will become stronger than she’s ever been simply because she’s gained the knowledge about this disorder — we could tell because of the terms that she has already started floating around Social Media (i.e. ghosting, gaslighting, etc.)
We recognize the fact that she needed to endure so much of G’s bile before finally deciding to do something for herself because we know how difficult it is to leave.
To G, by now you should know that we know what you are, what you did, and what you’re doing.
We know what you’re up to because you only go by your Playbook — and we just happened to have read that from cover to cover.
And to J, all the best to you, girl!
We hope that you’re aware of what you signed up for because we know where all these frenzies are leading to.
Until then, enjoy the (horrible) ride!